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This page has old WinoStuff Breaking News! articles from 2011. Too new for you? Try News From 2009 and 2010... click here... Looking for News from 2007 and 2008? click here... If you missed some news from 2005 and 2006, click here. If you have no life and need old news from 2003 or 2004, click here. If you are really pathetic and want to read older news from 2000-2002, click here. And get a life! WinoJohn
Drugged-up Celebrity
Wow!!! Who would have guessed it? We created a very
unique award called Drugged-up Celebrity Whore Monger of the Week
and it was specifically created to honor the antics of Charlie
Sheen. Who would have guessed that there would be another
celebrity that could fill Charlie's shoes? But there is. And
this week, we honor none other than the former NY Giants Hall of
Fame Linebacker, Lawrence Taylor. Congratulations, LT,
you are this week's WinoStuff.com Drugged-up Celebrity Whore
Monger of the Week! As you may know, LT was arrested back in May and was charged with statutory rape and soliciting a minor prostitute. The details surrounding this sordid tale are a bit sketchy but LT apparently paid a 16 year old girl $300 after having sex with her. She may or may not have consented to sex with the former Giant and another man, Rasheed Davis, was charged with unlawful imprisonment, assault and endangering the welfare of a child for his role in delivering the young girl to LT's motel room.
Well, this past week, Mr. Taylor pled guilty to two misdemeanors including sexual misconduct and patronizing a prostitute. Under the terms of his plea deal, Taylor agreed to pay a $1,400 fine and serve six years of probation. He will also have to register as a sex offender in two states – New York and Florida. In court, when the judge asked Taylor if he understood that by cutting the plea deal, he was waiving his right to a trial by jury he replied, “I fully understand.” The judge then asked him if he accepted that he had sex with an underage girl and Taylor responded, “She told me she was 19!” After a short pause, he then acknowledged his wrong doing with a simple, “yes.” (Note to WinoBob: The "SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS 19" defense still doesn't work.)
It must be pointed out that there were no drug charges leveled against LT during this incident and there was no evidence of drug use while LT (statutorily) raped the 16 year old. This may cause you to question whether he is actually deserving of the full "Drugged-Up" adjective in his award. The WinoStuff Awards Committee took these facts into consideration during the voting phase and concluded that over the years, Taylor has become known for his womanizing ways and his love of strip clubs and good times. And by "good times", we mean alcohol and cocaine. As a result, we are willing to give LT the benefit of the doubt and conclude that he may have been whacked out on drugs at the time of the crime and is therefore still deserving of this high honor. Had Taylor been convicted of the original charges, he could have faced more than 5 years in prison. That may not have been so bad. He could have spent some quality time with a few other former Giants players. Mark Ingram, a former receiver, is spending nearly 10 years in federal prison for money laundering, bank fraud and bail jumping. Former kick returner, Dave Meggett, was sentenced last year to 30 years for criminal sexual conduct and burglary. And lazy but talented wide receiver Plaxico Buress is finishing up his two year stint for extreme stupidity (with a gun).
WinoJohn Nerds on the Loose!!! I was out for a stroll on the information superhighway recently, looking for some "super" news to report on this, the most super of all Sundays (not counting that Sunday when Desean Jackson put a nail in Eli's hopes of a return trip to the playoffs... but I digress...) when I stumbled upon a very interesting article. What happens when you mix Asian uber-nerds, red wine and superconductors? Well, I'm not really sure but let me just say this... some amazing shit happens, that's what... Check this out... Some Japanese big-brain dude named Yoshihiko Takano and his buddies at the National Institute for Materials Science in Japan were playing around with some superconductors in the lab (who amongst us hasn't done that!). They were soaking some of these superconducting compounds in various liquids to measure the effect of the liquid on the resistance of the compound. First they tried water, then they tried a mixture of water and ethanol. It appears the process was going well, because Yoshi and company decided to have a little party. The party, as it turns out, included sake, whisky, various wines, shochu, and beer. Those superconducting supergeeks really know how to party! As you probably guessed by now, the researchers got a little "tipsy" and decided to try soaking the superconducting compounds in some of the alcoholic beverages they had on hand to determine how they compared to the more conventional soaking liquids. When they tested the resulting materials for superconductivity, they found that the ones soaked in commercial booze came out ahead! I won't bore you with all the superdetails but suffice it to say that red wine was the best soaking material, boosting superconductivity more than 62%!!! The scientists were reported to have been "pleased" and "bemused" with their results. Pleased and bemused? If I was on that geek squad, I would have been friggin' ecstatic! Maybe even electrostatic!!! Who knows??? All this talk of wine and superconductivity raises several important questions:
Clearly, more research needs to be done and we're just the red wine-drinking dweebs to carry out the task.
WinoJohn Summit In Silicon Valley... Power brokers from government and the private sector got together this past week to brainstorm on jobs, the economy and tech issues. That's right, President Obama sat down with some uber-rich, ultra-powerful eggheads in Silicon Valley on Thursday, not to assess how much more tax revenue he could squeeze out of a dozen of the tech industries' most successful entrepreneurs. Rather, the prez was reportedly looking for ideas on creating jobs through investment in education and R&D. (Well, maybe he was sporting a little tax woody by the end of the meeting... But I digress...) Among those in attendance were Steve Jobs from Apple, Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook, Eric Schmidt of Google, John Chambers of Cisco, Larry Ellison from Oracle, and Carol Bartz from Yahoo. Of course, WinoWally from WinoStuff.com was also invited to attend. Wally had to decline, however, as he knew that all of the other attendees would be jealous of his immense wealth. WinoBob, despite various court orders prohibiting
him from traveling within 100 yards of almost everyone else in
attendance, volunteered to
White House news reports indicate that, "The meeting was friendly and productive until one attendee from a lame, wine-related web site started to make a scene." You guessed it... WinoBob tossed back a few too many and began to express his disdain for everything from the president's budget proposal to interstate wine-shipping laws. As you can imagine, WinoBob was soon asked to leave. (And by ‘asked to leave’, I mean he was beaten to a pulp by the Secret Service, bound and gagged, and unceremoniously dumped by the side of the road somewhere in downtown Oakland…) All told, the dinner’s elite executives represented companies worth more than $938 billion. (Not counting WinoStuff.com, of course.) We'll see what actually comes from this meeting of the minds...
WinoJohn Woman Arrested for DUI!!! A 48 year old woman was arrested by the Gainesville, Florida police department last month for Driving Under the Influence. On Feb. 18 at 1:10 a.m., an officer spotted Debra Oberlin driving erratically on Northwest 19th Street, swerving and crossing lanes, the arrest report states. The officer wrote that Oberlin smelled of alcohol and had watery, bloodshot and dilated eyes. The report states that Oberlin told the officer she had four beers. Debra was arrested after she had difficulty on a field sobriety test. She registered a .234 and .239 on breath alcohol tests. (Florida's legal limit for driving is .08.) If you do the math (relax, I'll do the math for you...), Debbie's BAC was almost 3 times the legal limit. Did you hear me??? THREE TIMES THE LEGAL LIMIT!! Can you believe it?!! I know what you are thinking. You're thinking, "WinoJohn! Relax, dude! Shit happens. She had a few brewskies and she got pulled over. It was a mistake. She shouldn't have been driving but it happens." OK. Thank you. You're right. I overreacted. It was just a simple DUI. My bad.
What was I thinking...?
WinoJohn
Wino of the Week Ouch... This story pains me just to report it. WTF is going on over there in Britain? Those Brits are just drinking way too much! And, for me to say that, it must be way out of control! Anyway, here's the story... (You can figure out who is Wino of the Week and who is Poor Unfortunate Bastard of the Week. It's pretty obvious...) Last month, a British couple from Newcastle, England, were out having a few drinks. Later in the evening, the woman, 43-year old Maria Georgina Topp, and her 45 year old boyfriend, Martin Douglas, decided to go back to his place for a little who-knows-what. Around 4 a.m., an emergency call was made to the local police station. The emergency operators had a hard time understanding what the caller (Mr. Douglas) was saying. Police and paramedics were dispatched. When the emergency services people arrived, they found Mr Douglas bleeding heavily from the... uhhh... "groinal" area. Upon closer examination, they discovered that poor Martin was no longer in possession of his testicles. WHAT??? OUCH!!!! Oh man, that is... OWWW!! WTF??? OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! (If you are at all like me, you are now holding your boys in a protective death grip, trying to imagine that it is NOT you who was just de-balled...) Damn! That's gotta hurt!!! Martin, who is a self employed DJ, was rushed into emergency surgery at Freeman Hospital to "have his testicles and scrotum re-attached." Once again, may I say, "OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! " Ms. Topp, a mother of four who resides in nearby Gateshead, was arrested and charged with causing grievous bodily harm. Investigators say Topp and Douglas had returned to his home after a night of drinking when sometime around 4 a.m., Topp bit down on the man's testicles and then tore them off. Nooooo!!! OOOWWWWW!!!! No more, please, my stomach is starting to hurt. OWW, OWWW, OWWW!!!
Oh, and get this, the police also reported that "Mr. Douglas' arm was also injured in the attack." WHO THE FUCK CARES??? His boys were viciously removed from their rightful place! By an ugly chick! With her teeth!!! His ball sack was torn from... where his ball sack belongs!! Damn, who cares if his arm was injured? Unless she gnawed off his arm, too, that part of the story is just irrelevant! Damn...
WinoJohn I Don't Think So... From our WTF Department comes this little tidbit... As we all know, those whacky Chinese love their wine. They are consuming more and more wine every year, thus driving up already ridiculous wine prices. Well now they are beginning to make their own wine and, in this case, they are combining their much-loved rice wine with traditional Chinese medicinal ingredients. On the surface, that doesn't sound too bad. The Chinese have thousands of years of history, they are a very hard-working people with a very proud tradition. So they put some funky ingredients in their wine, so what? Well check this out...
Yeah, you read that correctly, Three Penis Wine. Not one penis. Not even two penis. Three penis. Because one penis is just not enough penis. I guess. I don't know... Tezhi Sanbian Jiu comes in a rather plain looking
bottle but, according to the article I This special concoction (Get it? Concockshun... Ha ha ha! Sorry.) has three different types of animal penis brewed right in, purportedly to "grant vitality to the drinker." The label on the back of the bottle says it contains seal penis, deer penis and Cantonese dog penis, all of them popular ingredients in Chinese traditional medicine, and all said to increase male potency and virility. Wow. That's a lot of penis. This story is disturbing on many levels. I think the wine drinking public has a right to some answers! For example:
Well, as responsible journalists, we clearly need to do more research on this subject. WinoStuff's own Director of Porn and Penis-Related Wine Stories, WinoBob, will be further analyzing this product and will be reporting back with his findings. Stay tuned... I would just like to go on record as saying, "Ewwww!!!". WinoJohn Whackjob of the Week This week, we once again decided to honor one amongst us who has pushed the envelope, one who has gone the extra mile to distinguish himself from the crowd. However, it seems that the competition this week was more intense than usual. The WinoStuff Whackjob Selection Committee really had a tough time deciding a winner. Take for example the following extremely whacky entries...
OK, any one of these guys could probably win Whackjob of the Week during an ordinary week but this week was special. This week, there was more whackiness than usual. Maybe it was the anticipation of the end of the world, I don't know. All I know is this was a special week. Oh yeah... The winner of this week's Whackjob of the Week honor goes to... (drum roll, please...)... The dude who bid north of $130,000 for Princess Beatrice's Royal Wedding Hat! (We don't know his name yet but stay tuned. The auction ends in a few hours...) You remember the goofy hat that Beatrice wore to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, don't you? It was the surprising fashion highlight of the royal wedding and the one thing that (briefly) distracted the world's attention from Pippa Middleton's fine little pooper. Well, that hat is up for bid on eBay (proceeds going to charity) and some wicked whackjob has bid over $130 large for the right to prance around in front of his mirror wearing this piece of millinery history. Now that's WHACKY!!!
Congratulations, whoever you are!!! WinoJohn Weiner of the Week New York is in the news again. This time, the television stations and the web news outlets are buzzing over the Empire State because of the antics of one of it's leaders. Yes, ladies and gentlemen (mostly ladies...), you, too, can have a torrid sexting relationship with a real US Congressman. Just follow Congressman Anthony Weiner on Twitter or friend him on Facebook and he will send you your very own personal photos of his junk. Is this a great country or what? Yes, New Yorkers have never been more proud of their elected officials. Anthony "The" Weiner has recently admitted having inappropriate communications with at least 6 or 7 women over the past couple years. And by that, he means that he sent photos of his wiener to women that he "met" on the internet. There are more reports today that he was communicating with a 17 year old girl in Delaware although their is no evidence that she ever got a glimpse of his manhood. The liberal elite are coming out in his defense. Barbara Walters has stated that the pictures of Weiner's wiener are "flattering". In her opinion, there is no reason he should resign. Fellow disgraced Democrat, Representative Charles Rangel said that Weiner did nothing wrong because he "didn't sleep with prostitutes or touch little boys..." I guess in his circle, that's the only thing that constitutes "doing something wrong." Rangel also said that the press should "get off his back". I guess their is honor among scum. Many people seem surprised that Congressman Weiner could be capable of such questionable behavior. Even his wife is reportedly shocked and dismayed. I'm sure she must have seen some signs early in their relationship...
Congratulations, New York. All of America is proud of you. WinoJohn
Poor Unfortunate Bastard of the Week Apparently, some of you winos were beginning to complain that we kept our Wiener of the Week winner (Congressman Anthony Weiner) on this page for more than a month. Well, all I can say is that it was a slow news month and Congressman Weiner was a tremendous wiener. But we're back and check this out... We were all set to name Philip A. Contos as our latest Poor Unfortunate Bastard of the Week. You may remember Phillip, he was the New York state motorcyclist that recently went on a ride with 550 other bikers to protest New York's helmet law. In a show of unity and protest, these bikers all took off their helmets and snubbed their noses at the law. Well, one thing led to another and poor Philip ended up locking up his brakes, fishtailing and getting thrown over his handlebars. He smacked his melon on the pavement and woke up dead. Medical experts on the scene stated that he would no doubt have survived the accident had he been wearing a helmet! The poor unfortunate bastard... But, as unfortunate as that story may be, it is not enough to earn Philip the PUBotW honor. No, that distinction really must go to the husband of Catherine Kieu Becker. You may have heard, last week Ms. Becker was arrested in Southern California for drugging her husband, tying him to his bed, and cutting off his penis. Wait... WHAT??? OUCHHHH!!! NOOO!!! That's just WRONG!!! Oh yeah, she also ground up the severed member in the garbage disposal. (Hmmm... if they manage to reattach his missing Johnson, this story will certainly qualify for Wiener of the Week honors...!) According to the Associated Press, Ms. Becker has been charged with "aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse." C'mon, really? "Aggravated mayhem"? The woman just Bobbitted her husband! She's being charged with the equivalent of creating a "brouhaha" or "chaos" or "confusion"??? (Seriously, I looked it up.) This woman should be charged with something like Double Secret Felony Peniscide or, better yet, MANslaughter! The victim has not been named presumably because it will already be hard enough for him to get a date. No need to put his name out there... So, Mr. Becker (how cool would it have been if his surname was actually Pecker?), you, my friend, are this week's Poor Unfortunate Bastard of the Week. You have our congratulations (and sympathies).
WinoJohn WinoNation of the Week Back in April of 2010, we first recognized the collective efforts of an entire nation in the pursuit of (in this case, excessive) alcohol consumption. Back then, it was the UK that stood out from the crowd. (Missed that little tidbit? click here...) Well, this week, we recognize the efforts of a bunch of hot, young female winemakers in attracting attention to their national treasures... This week, we are proud to honor the entire nation of Austria as WinoNation of the Week! In a story entitled "Young Austrian Winemakers Strip Off for Calendar", Decanter.com reports that a bunch of young (hot) Austrian female winemakers got together in their frilly little underthings and had a pillow fight followed by a game of truth or dare and some "experimentation"... Uhhh, wait... what? Sorry... I got a little carried away there... Where was I? Oh yeah... These lovely and talented winemakers were brought together by publisher Ellen Ledermüller-Reiner to pose for a calendar. I'm sure that the goal was to attract attention to the Austrian wine business but the article never actually says that. Or else I just missed it... Who knows? Maybe they just wanted to sell calendars. All I know is that I clicked through to the calendar site and I must say, this calendar should attract attention to the Austrian wine business. I may even start drinking Austrian wines myself. See? It worked! In fact, if you probe around the web site a little bit, it looks like those rascally Austrians have been doing these risqué calendars for a few years. Damn it, WinoBob! Who's in charge of researching hot young winemaker babes on calendars??? This news item nearly slipped by unreported! Geez.... Anyway, congratulations, Austria, you are our WinoNation of the Week!
WinoJohn Meeting of the Wino Minds!
Last week, a monumental event took place in northern New Jersey.
WinoBob, The Other Bob, yours truly and a childhood friend of
WinoBob (we'll call him Some Dude Named Rich) all got together
during normal business hours for a little "off site"
activity. This was not your typical Monday afternoon golf
outing in the rain (although it was Monday afternoon and it was
raining...). No, this was a coming together of some of the
greatest wine-consuming minds in the
Yes, the three wine industry giants (and Some Dude Named Rich) all
got together to support a very worthwhile cause (while also enjoying
a few chuckles). The outing was actually a charity event
benefiting The Sons of Italy or The Brothers of Sicily or The
Cousins of Luigi or something like that. I'm not quite sure.
I know it had an Italian theme, however. The event was very
well organized by the lovely and talented Mrs. WinoBob who was ably
assisted by their daughter, the young and
While the golf was enjoyable and the food was outstanding, the hushed topic of conversation throughout the outing seemed to revolve around WinoJohn's pasty white legs. I guess a bunch of rain-soaked Italians had never seen a real Irishman's legs. True, my legs sort of bring a tear to your eye (if you look directly at them, they sort of bring a burning sensation to your eye, but I digress...) However, the unspoken horror that was on everyone's mind during the awards ceremony was actually much worse. Much to Mrs. WinoBob's chagrin, WinoBob rocked an interesting pair of salmon-colored pants at the reception. Oh, and he has man-boobs...
And what did we all learn from a day supporting this charitable cause? Let's see...
Thanks again, Jean Anne and Brittany! WinoJohn
September 11, 2011
WinoJohn WE'RE BACK!
But we're back up and running, albeit temporarily. You see, I'm in the process of building the next uber server to host all things WinoStuff. Until that task is complete, we're limping along on some 1990s technology. (It's still better than the Mac-something that WinoBob uses to surf porn, but that's another story...)
So now that we're back, so what? I'll tell you so what. We have our latest Wino of the Week! Check this out... A substitute elementary school teacher in Santa Fe was fired a few weeks ago after she was reportedly found passed out drunk while on the job. That's right, local authorities found Jill Lyle unconscious one Friday afternoon at Chaparral Elementary School in an office connected to a classroom. Officials said Lyle was found with a cup next to her and the contents of the cup "had an odor of alcohol". Lt. Louis Carlos told reporters, "We do not know how much, or if any for that matter, had been consumed, but we do believe it was a cup containing wine there with her in the classroom." Here's the best part... No charges will be filed against Lyle because the incident occurred "around lunchtime", when students were not directly under her care! Jill got whacked from her job anyway. The terms and specific reasons for Lyle's termination are not being made public. Congratulations, Jill, you are our Wino of the Week! Oh yeah. One other thing... As for those speedy neutrinos, I don't believe it. First of all, the report came out of Switzerland. The report was probably written in French and was probably released "around lunchtime"... You know how that goes. These funny little science faux pas happen all the time. Nothing to get excited about. But I digress... (Keep your fingers crossed that the patched-up server keeps functioning until the new box comes on line...) WinoJohn Wino of the Week! This week, we meet another party girl that likes to drink a wee bit too much and then go out and get herself into trouble. Check this out... A few weeks ago, police in Bainbridge County, Ohio, clocked a car doing like 128 MPH at 4am on Route 422. The driver of the car refused to pull over and the police had to use those cool spike strips to flatten the tires on the vehicle. Here's where it gets noteworthy... When the vehicle eventually came to a stop, the
police ordered the driver of the car to exit the vehicle. Much
to their surprise, the driver was a woman, topless, wearing only a
G-string and tennis shoes. (WinoBob is the only other
individual I know that enjoys getting hammered, putting on a nice
G-string, and driving like a bat out of hell. But I
digress...) The culprit in this case is named Erin
Holdsworth and she is no stranger to the Bainbridge County jail
having been previously convicted of drunk driving, unauthorized use
of a motor vehicle, falsification and a loud noise/disturbance.
(Yes, that's right, a loud noise/disturbance!!)
Congratulations, Erin! WinoJohn
Father/Son Tag Team It takes a strong stomach to join this club. Check it out... Ron Franscell and his son, Matt, from San Antonio, Texas decided to take a road trip to The Great White North before Matt went off to college. While there, they wanted to join an exclusive club... The Sourtoe Cocktail Club. Sound interesting? Read on... The Sourtoe Cocktail is a rather disgusting beverage served in only one place in the world: The Sourdough Saloon in Dawson City, a town 300 miles from the Arctic Circle in Canada's Yukon Territory. This nasty cocktail is just what it sounds like -- a shot of any type of hard alcohol served in a glass with a dehydrated human toe, mummified in salt. According to the rules, the nasty toe must touch the drinker's lips during the drink's consumption for the drinker to earn the distinction of being a true "Sourtoer." According to legend, a man known as Capt. Dick Stevenson started this tradition in 1973. He is said to have discovered the original toe in a cabin that he purchased, which had previously belonged to a trapper who had lost his big toe to frostbite and put it in a jar. Other toes have since been donated and are kept in pickling salt when not being slurped. Saloon officials say the high alcohol content in the whisky, vodka and other booze keeps the toes sterile, despite being in the mouths of as many as a few dozen people on a given night.
The experience inspired the elder Franschell to write a book entitled "The Sourtoe Cocktail Club: The Yukon Odyssey of a Father and Son in Search of a Mummified Toe ... And Everything Else". Nice title, dad. So, uhhh yeah... there you have it. Sourtoe. Congratulations, guys, you are our first Father/Son Tag Team Winos of the Week. Ugghhhh... WinoJohn Wino Giant of the Week!!! How often do you see this? A giant decides that he wants to sell wine. That's right, it doesn't happen every day. Well it happened recently when Chinese giant, Yao Ming, decided that he was getting into the wine business. And where do Chinese giants go when they want to open a winery? Napa Valley, of course. Last week, eight time NBA All Star, Yao Ming announced the opening of Yao Family Wines. (I would have thought that he would call this new venture Ming Family Wines but what do I know? I'm a zero time NBA All Star...) Mr. Ming (or is it Mr. Yao?) stands 7 feet 6 inches tall and is generally considered to be a god in his native China (where the average adult male stands a mere 4 ft 6 inches tall...). Yao plans to offer his initial bottling, the Yao Family Napa Cab, at $289 per bottle! (Coincidentally, the average adult male in China earns $289 per month!) Later this year, the Yao Family Reserve Cabernet will go on sale for like $1.21 gigabucks, which is a lot...
Naturally, Yao partnered with some Napa Valley veterans to make his wines. Tom Hind is the President and Director of Winemaking at Yao Wines and Larry Bradley is Consulting Viticulturist. Both of these gentlemen have extensive backgrounds in Napa winemaking. There is no word on who will handle the sales and marketing functions at Yao Family Wines...
Good luck on your new venture Mr. Yao... er... Ming... WinoJohn
Wino of the Week! How many times has this happened to you...? You're driving along some back road after a night of heavy drinking. Your buddies are in the car with you, the music is cranked up loud and all of a sudden... BAM ! you hit something!!! Wait! What was that??? You all get out of the car and find an injured deer in the road and a big dent in the front of your car. Damn it! That sucks. Now what do we do...? Most people would curse the deer, blame their friends for making too much noise in the car, hop back in the car and speed away before anyone else gets wind of the incident. (Or, if you are my father-in-law, you might quickly field dress the deer, mount the carcass to the hood of your car and drive it straight to the slaughterhouse... But I digress...). However, if your name is Andrew Caswell from Greece, NY, you might suddenly feel guilty over the brutal collision with another one of God's creatures, determine that their may still be time to save the deer, load it into the trunk of your car and attempt to drive it to the hospital!!! Of course, that's precisely what Andy Caswell from Greece NY did last week. Yeah, Andy wasn't exactly thinking straight... While Andy and pals were driving the injured animal to a HUMAN hospital, some locals residents (who had heard the commotion surrounding the decision to try and save the deer) called police and gave a description of Andy's vehicle. Shortly thereafter, Andy was pulled over and charged with DUI. (Andy's BAC was .16!) Oh yeah, the deer died. So, Andy, was it all worth it? The drinking, the driving, the deer killing, not to mention the embarrassment of the DUI? I guess the only good thing to come of all this is your winning WINO OF THE WEEK honors!!! Congratulations, big guy! WinoJohn Celebrity Train Wreck of the Week A while back, we introduced the concept of Celebrity Train Wreck of the Week. You remember, Britney Spears had a meltdown, shaved her head and became our inaugural CTWotW. Although never earning official Celebrity Train Wreck status, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have each been honored on these pages for behavior detrimental to sustaining life and could easily have been CTWotW.. This week, we honor another celebrity (also a winolicious babe!) with the potential to check out at any time. You know her from her roles on TJ Hooker, Dynasty, Melrose Place and more. Yes, ladies and gents, our Celebrity Train Wreck of the Week is none other than... Heather Locklear! The lovely and talented Ms. Locklear has a long history of intoxication "issues" (she has been arrested several times for DUI and family members have called 911 several times over the years due to her drug and alcohol abuse.) Last week, emergency medical personnel rushed Heather to the Los Robles Hospital in Thousand Oaks, CA for treatment of drug and alcohol consumption. Fortunately, she was released the following day and is reported to be "out of danger".
(Note: I want to state that everything in this article pertaining to Ms. Locklear and her problems are entirely ALLEGED. There are two reasons for this: 1) I'm sure her big time Hollywood lawyers are much more skilled than the WinoStuff lawyers over at the law firm of Dewey, Cheetem and Howe, and 2) I think I might still have a shot with her...). Congratulations, Heather! WinoJohn |
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